Niku

This is Niku; the quintessential descendent of the Cat Who Walked By Himself...

...except at mealtime.

Things I never thought I'd think about { Kaje }

I am good at taking care of kids. I've done a lot of it. When I was 10 years old I had my first babysitting job. I was a summer nanny when I was 13--true story.

I love teaching kids, reading to them, making their eyes sparkle when we're playing with bubbles, or play dough. I can change a dirty diaper in the car, using a minimum amount of wipes. I can distract a fussy toddler to get him to stop crying. I can push kids on the swing for hours. I can tell them the same story over and over again.

I can do nap times, bath times, time-outs, band-aids, car seats, play time, potty training, and ridiculous kid songs until your brain turns to mush.

I can do bedtimes and I can take care of the kids that climb into your bed, and do helicopter legs all night.
 
Before I used to think, "Sure, I could be a Mom someday. Oh yeah! I could do this."

That was when I was an idiot.

Because now that I'm married to a wonderful man, who wants kids, and the possibility is real--I don't know how to reconcile the idea that one day my heart may be walking around on the outside of my body.

...that scares me.

Because that heart has been broken before. And if it's outside of me, how could I possible protect it from all the things that could offend, or wound, or stifle, or hurt it?

...and then all the "What if's" crash down on me and try to suck me away.


and then I try to remember that I don't have to be perfect at this. And I can ask for help. And whenever it is that we have kids, they'll be the ones we were meant to have. And I'll cry. And I'll laugh. And I'll just have to get used to it...

After all, that's got to be how Heavenly Mother feels every day.

El amor de mi vida

I think i'm  luckiest guy in the world because  I have an amazing wife. She makes me so happy every day. I hope to be  the best husband for her and always take care of her. Now we live in kauai, HI.  just for 5---well, 3 more months. I'm really sure this time here will be great and we'll learn a lot of new things to improve our lives in a good way.

Kjirstencita you changed my life. You are every thing I asked  Heavenly Father for. Thanks  for being my wife and thanks for loving me!

Very Berry

"It may be that when we no longer know what to do

we have come our real work,

and that when we no longer know which way to go

we have come to our real journey.

The mind that is not baffled is not employed.

The impeded stream is the one that sings."

The Real Work
-Wendell Berry

"Fer rills?"

Sometimes I look at my husband and think, "Is this real? Are we really married? Is this really our life? Am I really this lucky?"

Because....seriously.

*Pinch me!*

Yep. It's real.

Things I love about being married to this guy:

* Getting to wake up to those eyes every morning. 


* Laughing with him everyday. Silly faces, silly voices, funny movies, funny life moments. The best is when he makes me laugh so hard that I snort. Lately we've got this schtick about zombie squirrels that has me in stitches.

* Cooking up some iron chef-type dinner together. This usually happens after we've lost track of time talking about something (sports, politics, life plans/ combination of the three) and we look at each other with that, 'I'm hungry, are you hungry?' face. Then a race to the pantry! We've got: Rice, and canned salmon, and macadamia nuts....hmmmmm....

* Being in sync. Now before you start singing "Bye-bye-bye"--lemme 'splain. Often times we'll think of the same solution to a problem. This leads to lots of, "Hey! I was thinking of that too!" or "That's a great idea. What are you brilliant or something?"- several times a day.

* Living with someone who is so genuine and loving.


* Watching him work, and fix stuff and be especially resourceful. Shoot-dang, that's sexy.

How married life has changed me:

I think I've eaten more red meat, and cried more crazy girly emotional tears than I have in my whole life.  (Uh, suddenly I sob at stupid romantic trailers? What the?)

I've had to remind myself that while I'm an independent woman, and capable of accomplishing just about anything by myself--I'm also part of a team now. I get to rely on the support, insight and skill set of my other half--and that doesn't make me less powerful. 

I post more about this awesome man in my life--and I'm sorry if you're sick of it. It's Team Flores now, and turns out I'm one heck of a cheerleader. 

 You should just thank your lucky stars I'm not posting pics of my strapping husband's hot butt in jeans like Pioneer Woman (scroll down) does...

Yet.

Ivan and his best friends...

So here we are on our crazy awesome Hawaiian adventure...

 Ivan has been quick to make new friends

 Especially with the big fancy rooster---who turns to JELL-O whenever he's around...

and turns into territorial watch dog when ever I come near....(I think someone has a crush!)

 Pretty Glorious, huh!

 

And then there's NIKU-- who is my little shadow, and who Ivan likes to threaten with a calm "Accidents happen kitty" whenever the cats climb the screens...but I know he's really in love with her too.

Playing with my new camera is way too much fun! Gracias mi amor! Te amo!

"You can close your eyes it's alright..."

The other morning, early--6-ish...I woke up from the worst nightmare. Ever. In the history of my bad dreams...it was horrifying.

I sat straight up, gasping, reeling, in utter shock. I couldn't get the images out of my head. Ivan woke up, turned on the light, held me until I could finally cry it out.

I sobbed---hard--- and left a tear puddle on his t-shirt.

He held me tight, stroked my hair and told me everything was alright, and that he would protect me, and our future babies. (BTW---baby dreams are the WORST! AHHHH!) and then he put on a funny movie to help me be distracted, while I snuggled into his shoulder and thought, "What a lucky, lucky, lucky...lucky girl am I."